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    Don’t Let Fear Take the Steering Wheel

    The Case for Shared Leadership (Part 5)

    The Case for Shared Leadership (Part 4)

    The Case for Shared Leadership (Part 3)

    The Case for Shared Leadership (Part 2)

    The Case for Shared Leadership (Part 1)

    More of Him, Less of Me

    You’ve Got a Friend

    3 Important Things You Should Know About Discipleship

    Discipleship Lessons from Star Wars

    Home

    Episode 26: Election, Free Will, and Flowers

    God Is Calling YOU to Rest (Part 2)

    Is metaverse or VR church a real church?

    Should we still listen to Hillsong?

    Easter Origin: Bunnies & Eggs?

    Before Christ Rose

    Our Misconception of the Body

    Is metaverse or VR church a real church?

    Can Christians go to multiple churches?

    The Relationship Between Frugalism and Stewardship

    Is metaverse or VR church a real church?

    Is metaverse or VR church a real church?

    Rejoice (Part 3)

  • LIVING
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    • Identity
    • Mental Health
    • Purpose
    • Work

    Home Is Where Your Heart Is

    Interview: Transformation from Pole Dancing

    The Power of Names

    In a Difficult Season in My Life, I Joined the Production Team

    Wisdom from a Baby

    LET THERE BE LOVE — on Christian Veganism (Part 5)

    There’s Nothing Wrong With You

    LET THERE BE LOVE — on Christian Veganism (Part 4)

    LET THERE BE LOVE — on Christian Veganism (Part 3)

    LET THERE BE LOVE — on Christian Veganism (Part 2)

    The Addiction You Didn’t Know You Had (Part 2)

    The Addiction You Didn’t Know You Had (Part 1)

    LET THERE BE LOVE — on Christian Veganism (Part 1)

    Home

    Episode 25: What’s up with the education system?

    Our Misconception of the Body

    The Relationship Between Frugalism and Stewardship

    Home

    Episode 23: Why I changed my career

    What Consumes Us (Part 2)

    What Consumes Us (Part 1)

    Jesus and Minimalism

  • RELATIONSHIPS
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    • Dating
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    Home Is Where Your Heart Is

    In a Difficult Season in My Life, I Joined the Production Team

    Wisdom from a Baby

    Dating for Jesus**

    A Short Letter to the Tired Single

    3 Important Things You Should Know About Discipleship

    Home

    Episode 27: How do you find the right person? Questions on singleness, boundaries and friend zones

    The Addiction You Didn’t Know You Had (Part 2)

    The Addiction You Didn’t Know You Had (Part 1)

    Is metaverse or VR church a real church?

    Can a Christian date a non-Christian, then convert him/her?

    Is metaverse or VR church a real church?

    Should we still listen to Hillsong?

    Home

    Episode 25: What’s up with the education system?

    Get Used to Different (Part 2)

    Is metaverse or VR church a real church?

    Is cohabitation a sin?

    Before Saying “I Will”

    Is metaverse or VR church a real church?

    Is metaverse or VR church a real church?

    Need for Companionship

    Local Man Discovers Gift of Singleness, Calls Off Marriage*

    Get Used to Different (Part 1)

    Talking with Family Members About Mental Health (Part 3)

  • CULTURE
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    • Justice
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    Our Christmas Collection

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    You’ve Got a Friend

    Discipleship Lessons from Star Wars

    Ethical Consumerism

    Easter Origin: Bunnies & Eggs?

    Get Used to Different (Part 2)

    Home

    Episode 24: All about Crypto, NFTs, and the Church

    What Consumes Us (Part 2)

    Is metaverse or VR church a real church?

    Should Christians go to war?

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    Episode 22: Enneagram Part Two

    What Consumes Us (Part 1)

    Jesus and Minimalism

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    Get Used to Different (Part 1)

    Christian Cancel Culture: A Gospel for the Oppressors

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    Your Calling to Bring Shalom into a Deprived World

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    Baptism Numbers Skyrocket After Installation of Waterslide in Local Church*

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Talking with Family Members About Mental Health (Part 2)

Emily Kusunoki by Emily Kusunoki
2021/10/12
in Family, Mental Health
0

(This is part of a series. Read Part 1 here.)

Part 2 – Understand the Opposition

As we grow in our own awareness of mental health struggles and want to talk about them with those we care about (or even those who’ve hurt us), we need to be sensitive to the fact that those who reject an open conversation may also be struggling with their own repressed trauma, grief, pain, and shame. It is a conversation that will become easier, ironically, the more each person finds themselves in a healthier place both mentally and emotionally.

 

The more an individual is aware of their own struggles, the easier it will be to acknowledge the struggles of others.

 

So, when you try to speak with your dad about how his screaming has contributed to your urge to lock yourself in your room and avoid confrontation, or when you try to address the overbearing nature of your in-laws when you make a big mistake with your finances but aren’t sure how they’ll accept you afterward – there is a high chance the conversation will be difficult because of an issue your dad or in-laws are dealing with themselves.

The dad who was unable to process the verbal abuse he received from his own father, often finds himself repeating it with his own kids. The in-laws who have never worked through their own financial fears and burdens may believe a culture of shame in the family is the only way to ensure everyone else fears it just as much as them.

 

We can find examples of unhealthy relationship patterns within the family even in the Bible, where a lack of awareness contributes to perpetual conflict.

 

Even though David married Saul’s daughter Michal and became a close friend of Saul’s son Jonathan, an intense rivalry developed between David and Saul. Saul, not being able to contain his own jealousy, began to plot to kill David. The Lord then withdrew his initial favor from Saul and had Samuel the prophet anoint David as king instead (1 Samuel 16). Though David loved and respected Saul, he found himself running, hiding, and lamenting the pain of that relationship caused by Saul’s unresolved jealousy for a large chunk of his life.

Often our own stigmas or those of others are perpetuated by fear and misunderstanding, or an avoidance to deal with an internal issue that is too overwhelming. And shame, when it prevents us from acknowledging others, also comes from a place of personal pain and avoidance. To remain open-minded and curious is to realize another person’s pain is not an evaluation of one’s own success, worth, or value.

 

Thus, when talking to a family member about mental health, it’s necessary to recognize where both of you are in regards to the topic—before the conversation begins. When we want to be heard, we also have to be open and willing to listen.

 

When both parties can start the process of self-reflection, it transforms the conversation. But if both parties aren’t there yet, it may contribute to a more difficult process of opening up and experiencing reconciliation.

A dad who listens to the harm he caused his daughter without growing angrier, but instead feels deep compassion for the struggle she’s had to endure, creates a healing conversation. Or the in-laws who accept their new son as only human can still show support even when things get difficult because neither party feels the need to shame or condemn the other out of personal fear.

Continue reading: Part 3

Emily Kusunoki

Emily Kusunoki

Emily found lots of comforts in the pages of various books while growing up. Within her passion for reading and writing, she likes to combine her professional knowledge of mental health with her faith and love of Jesus. // Favorite book: A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini

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