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  • HOME
  • ABOUT
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  • FAITH
    • All
    • Bible
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    • Prayer
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    Don’t Let Fear Take the Steering Wheel

    The Case for Shared Leadership (Part 5)

    The Case for Shared Leadership (Part 4)

    The Case for Shared Leadership (Part 3)

    The Case for Shared Leadership (Part 2)

    The Case for Shared Leadership (Part 1)

    More of Him, Less of Me

    You’ve Got a Friend

    3 Important Things You Should Know About Discipleship

    Discipleship Lessons from Star Wars

    Home

    Episode 26: Election, Free Will, and Flowers

    God Is Calling YOU to Rest (Part 2)

    Is metaverse or VR church a real church?

    Should we still listen to Hillsong?

    Easter Origin: Bunnies & Eggs?

    Before Christ Rose

    Our Misconception of the Body

    Is metaverse or VR church a real church?

    Can Christians go to multiple churches?

    The Relationship Between Frugalism and Stewardship

    Is metaverse or VR church a real church?

    Is metaverse or VR church a real church?

    Rejoice (Part 3)

  • LIVING
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    • Identity
    • Mental Health
    • Purpose
    • Work

    Home Is Where Your Heart Is

    Interview: Transformation from Pole Dancing

    The Power of Names

    In a Difficult Season in My Life, I Joined the Production Team

    Wisdom from a Baby

    LET THERE BE LOVE — on Christian Veganism (Part 5)

    There’s Nothing Wrong With You

    LET THERE BE LOVE — on Christian Veganism (Part 4)

    LET THERE BE LOVE — on Christian Veganism (Part 3)

    LET THERE BE LOVE — on Christian Veganism (Part 2)

    The Addiction You Didn’t Know You Had (Part 2)

    The Addiction You Didn’t Know You Had (Part 1)

    LET THERE BE LOVE — on Christian Veganism (Part 1)

    Home

    Episode 25: What’s up with the education system?

    Our Misconception of the Body

    The Relationship Between Frugalism and Stewardship

    Home

    Episode 23: Why I changed my career

    What Consumes Us (Part 2)

    What Consumes Us (Part 1)

    Jesus and Minimalism

  • RELATIONSHIPS
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    • Church
    • Dating
    • Family
    • Marriage
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    Home Is Where Your Heart Is

    In a Difficult Season in My Life, I Joined the Production Team

    Wisdom from a Baby

    Dating for Jesus**

    A Short Letter to the Tired Single

    3 Important Things You Should Know About Discipleship

    Home

    Episode 27: How do you find the right person? Questions on singleness, boundaries and friend zones

    The Addiction You Didn’t Know You Had (Part 2)

    The Addiction You Didn’t Know You Had (Part 1)

    Is metaverse or VR church a real church?

    Can a Christian date a non-Christian, then convert him/her?

    Is metaverse or VR church a real church?

    Should we still listen to Hillsong?

    Home

    Episode 25: What’s up with the education system?

    Get Used to Different (Part 2)

    Is metaverse or VR church a real church?

    Is cohabitation a sin?

    Before Saying “I Will”

    Is metaverse or VR church a real church?

    Is metaverse or VR church a real church?

    Need for Companionship

    Local Man Discovers Gift of Singleness, Calls Off Marriage*

    Get Used to Different (Part 1)

    Talking with Family Members About Mental Health (Part 3)

  • CULTURE
    • All
    • Evangelism
    • Justice
    • Social issues
    Our Christmas Collection

    Our Christmas Collection

    You’ve Got a Friend

    Discipleship Lessons from Star Wars

    Ethical Consumerism

    Easter Origin: Bunnies & Eggs?

    Get Used to Different (Part 2)

    Home

    Episode 24: All about Crypto, NFTs, and the Church

    What Consumes Us (Part 2)

    Is metaverse or VR church a real church?

    Should Christians go to war?

    Home

    Episode 22: Enneagram Part Two

    What Consumes Us (Part 1)

    Jesus and Minimalism

    Home

    Episode 21: Enneagram Part One

    Get Used to Different (Part 1)

    Christian Cancel Culture: A Gospel for the Oppressors

    Christian Cancel Culture: A Gospel for the Oppressors

    Your Calling to Bring Shalom into a Deprived World

    Your Calling to Bring Shalom into a Deprived World

    Welcome to Shift Gear

    READY? SET… GO!

    READY? SET… GO!

    Home

    Episode 16: Cage homes and subdivided apartments, is this the reality of HK? // Ask Martin: Why does God elect some not to believe?

    Home

    Episode 14: How should we engage on social media? // Ask Martin: Would God’ve been more loving if He didn’t create anyone?

  • CREATIVE
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    • Fiction
    • Inspiration
    • Poem
    • Satire

    12-STEP GRACE

    Interview: Transformation from Pole Dancing

    Our Christmas Collection

    Our Christmas Collection

    Dating for Jesus**

    Local Man Discovers Gift of Singleness, Calls Off Marriage*

    Why

    In The Whisper, pt2

    How Do I Get Inspired?

    Rejoice (Part 3)

    Rejoice (Part 2)

    Rejoice (Part 1)

    Loss

    Celebrating Creativity

    Baptism Numbers Skyrocket After Installation of Waterslide in Local Church*

    What God Says About Me

    In The Whisper

    Reppin’ Jesus on Social Media – How to Stay True in a World of Haters

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How My Heavenly Father Restored My Relationship with My Earthly Mother

Crystal Lau by Crystal Lau
2021/07/13
in Family
0

During my mom’s early 40s, she found out she was pregnant with me. Her mind immediately went into overdrive: their finances were finally in place, my older sister was already 14, and this geriartic pregnancy would be difficult with her pre-existing heart problems. Most of my mom’s worries were academic related. She was very demanding towards my sister’s studies and thought her health would prevent her from pushing me to the same level. But my dad reassured her that I was a gift from God, and that He would provide. 

Although I attended church with my family and knew the Gospel, by the time I was in high school, my relationship with my mom reached an all-time low. We fought constantly and were always miserable and stressed. My mom spent long hours tutoring me, making me feel that she was less a mother than she was a teacher to me.

One day, after a particularly horrible argument, my mom suffered from a mild stroke. Convinced that our fight caused it, my mom told our friends and family that I was the reason behind it. 

I felt agonizing shame and guilt. I, too, was convinced that our fight led to her stroke. Yet, our arguments continued. Whenever we fought she threatened to have another stroke. I couldn’t tell God how sad and broken I felt because I didn’t feel deserving of God’s unconditional love. Gradually I stopped going to church and distanced myself from my fellowship. 

During university, my mom loosened the reins on my studies and our relationship improved slightly. At the same time, my best friend from university invited me to a Bible study and to Sunday service. Slowly I started going back to church regularly. I opened up to my care group who listened to me with acceptance and grace and helped me process the hurts I had been carrying. 

In turn, my communication with God improved significantly. In the past, when I was sad, it was difficult to talk to Him so I internalized my feelings. Now, I started to lift up my worries in prayer and ask for His guidance and comfort.

 

My guilt towards my relationship with my mom diminished as I focused on the truth of my identity: that I am forgiven and loved. Instead of dwelling in shame, I remembered how God sees me and how He can provide solace for me through prayer (Jeremiah 29.12).  

 

One night, my mom and I had another argument, which ended with the same threat of another stroke. Again, the statement stunned me into silence. That night, I prayed to God, telling Him how exhausted I felt about the state of our relationship. I asked Him for wisdom to better communicate with her.

As I prayed, I felt more at peace, and I knew that He was comforting me. The next morning, I was able to speak calmly to her about the power of her words, how they have the ability to hurt me deeply. I told her I wanted us to be able to speak slowly and to listen to each other (James 1.19).

I was surprised when she accepted everything I said. She knew that I had been praying more, and was trying to be centered in God to change the way we were communicating. Since then, we still occasionally disagree, but it’s different now, our arguments are less emotionally charged. 

From that day on, she hasn’t said that she will have another stroke if we fight. We are both more mindful of what we say to each other, and we intentionally carve out time to spend together. I am closer to her now than I have ever been. I tell her about my insecurities, fears, relationships – all topics I previously thought I would never share with her.

 

As I became grounded in God’s truth, I was reminded that I do not have to continue living in my guilt and shame, but am forgiven and loved by my Heavenly Father. I am thankful to God for redeeming me in His truth and restoring my relationship with my mother.

Taken on vacation when I was young.

My parents at my baptism earlier this year.

Class of 2020: My mom and I when I graduated.

Crystal Lau

Crystal Lau

An avid reader and writer since she was young, Crystal enjoys laughing, eating carbs and spending time with her friends and family. // Favorite book: Transcendent Kingdom by Yaa Gyasi

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Comments 1

  1. N. Lao says:
    1 year ago

    I needed this. Thank you.

    -N. Lao

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