I learned about commitment mostly through friendship.
For three years, I lived in a ministry house called the Home. Fifteen guys in this house. We shared two bathrooms, a kitchen, and one washing machine. We took turns cooking for the house most days of the week. There were pranks, usually involving our neighboring house. Seventeen girls in that house. It rains a lot in Bellingham, Washington, which makes the deep conversations on the front porch more precious when the weather is nice.
One time we (not all of us, there was always one who could not make it because of some school project) went on a retreat at a cabin in the woods. With no electricity nor water, we had to get water jugs and cook in the dark with headlamps. It was November, but we thought it was a good idea to go on a hike when six inches of snow were covering the trails. I wore sneakers. We had no hiking gears, only walking sticks made from branches. I had a near-death experience, and I would have slipped off a cliff were it not for one of the guys who caught me just in time.
What I missed the most was the fireplace. It was not those luxurious electrical kinds, but a wood-burning one, with burnt marks still on the brass frame. We never minded the hassle of bringing in the wood logs from the shed and building a fire, log cabin style. There is something about the warmth and the scent that draws out the best stories from people. But most of the time, we just sat around and talked, read, maybe sang if people were in the mood for it. Turns out being in a community is a pretty good practice for friendship.
There is something about the warmth and the scent that draws out the best stories from people. But most of the time, we just sat around and talked, read, maybe sang if people were in the mood for it. Turns out being in a community is a pretty good practice for friendship.
It lasted for three years. Most of us don’t live in Bellingham anymore. But, these were the moments I treasure.
Although friendships are all too often transient, most of us don’t abide by the idea that we are better on our own. Yet, I also understand the fear of regretting picking the wrong crowd to belong to. What if they don’t show up at my lowest? What if they have an inner friendship circle? Maybe we have all been disappointed by a friend who made a promise but didn’t follow through.
At the beginning of the Lord of the Rings, the company of four hobbits, Frodo, Sam, Pippin, and Merry were embarking on an epic journey. They were advised that this journey will come with many heartaches and departures, so count the cost. Feeling that there was no one he could trust and knowing the dangers that would follow, Frodo decided to desert the company and finish the journey on his own. They confronted him, and the loyal Merry gave a heartfelt talk to Frodo, “You can trust us to stick to you through thick and thin to the bitter end. And you can trust us to keep any secret of yours – closer than you keep it yourself. But you cannot trust us to let you face trouble alone and go off without a word. We are your friends.”
In the Book of John, Jesus called the disciples His friends at the end of their three-year journey together. But on the first day, Jesus called them to follow Him. The disciples made a decision, a commitment to follow Jesus, a commitment to be in His inner-fellowship for three years. In the Book of Acts, the disciples came to terms with Jesus’ departure, but they still had to learn how to be a friend to Jesus and one another. For life.
Yet, this commitment produces love that gives joy and sustains them in their darkest hours. Love that always perseveres.
We cannot expect close friendship without commitment. Despite the fear of departure, missing out, and betrayal, we can only experience genuine love of friendship when we commit ourselves to one another.
We cannot expect close friendship without commitment. Despite the fear of departure, missing out, and betrayal, we can only experience genuine love of friendship when we commit ourselves to one another.
I didn’t get to choose my housemates. The only choice I had was filling the five-page application and signing the two-page contract. A commitment. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made.