As the live band played Lauv’s “I like me better when I’m with you”, I watched my newlywed friends have their first dance surrounded by friends and family.
One of the big cultural differences I’ve experienced whilst in England is that there are many Christian couples who get married young. I’m currently 22 and this is the second wedding season I’ve experienced where my own friends are getting married. My! Own! Friends! Friends that I attended freshmen weeks with, moved out of student accommodations with, and proofread each other’s dissertations with over endless cups of tea.
In a time where we can regularly expose ourselves to romanticised, minute-long wedding videos of people dancing, celebrating, confetti-throwing and the like, it’s easy to get caught up in the fairytale lots of us have been dreaming of and feeding into since we were children. It’s easy to question God when he will grant you ‘your turn’.
Even though weddings are a great joy, society and culture have changed our perception of God’s true intention for marriage. As much as weddings celebrate joyful partnership, they need to be seen as solemn and holy occasions, too. Instead of “I do”, many of my friends have opted for traditional vows that answer with “with God’s help, I will”. The slight change in phrasing of “I do” (present) to “I will” (future) reminded me that marriage is about the future covenantal relationship that lasts beyond the vows said at the altar. Marriage isn’t the end goal for an intimate romantic connection, but merely the beginning of a life of commitment to endlessly champion and fight for yourselves as you together are now one. Marriage is only a small, imperfect image of God’s covenant with us – eternal and unconditional.
The slight change in phrasing of “I do” (present) to “I will” (future) reminded me that marriage is about the future covenantal relationship that lasts beyond the vows said at the altar. Marriage isn’t the end goal for an intimate romantic connection, but merely the beginning of a life of commitment to endlessly champion and fight for yourselves as you together are now one.
This wedding season has brought me immense peace and assurance. I am assured that God knows my desires and my heart, that He fully knows and fully loves me because that is how He created me (Psalm 139). I am assured that even through my doubts, the companionship and intimacy I am longing for is first of all found in Him, and marriage will not solve the yearning in my heart. I can trust that He withholds nothing (Psalm 84.11) and that He is still sanctifying me, with or without someone next to me. (Click here to read “What God Says About Me”.)
I am assured that God knows my desires and my heart, that He fully knows and fully loves me because that is how He created me (Psalm 139).
Before we dream of the companionship, the rings and the celebrations, I urge you to self-assess whether you feel ready to consider that step. Are we men who are ready to provide, protect and take responsibility for your life, the life of another and the family you will build? Are we women that are ready to breathe life, nourish and support your partner to build a flourishing home?
I hope this short reflection will encourage those who are single to consider the full weight of the commitment of marriage.
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For your continued pursuit:
- “The Mingling of Souls”, by Matt Chandler
- “The Meaning of Marriage”, by Tim Keller